How to write an STI notification message: 7 tips
Writing an STI notification message feels awkward, but it is an act of care. How do you phrase it honestly and calmly — without blame, panic, or too much detail? These seven tips help you get it right.
A good STI message is short, calm, and factual. The recipient needs the information — not a full story.
7 tips for a good STI notification message
Tip 1
Keep it short and factual
Write three to four sentences at most. Mention that there may have been possible exposure, that getting tested could be worthwhile, and point to a concrete resource (sexual health clinic, GP, or testing centre). More is rarely needed.
Tip 2
Use "possible exposure" — not a diagnosis
Don't write "I have chlamydia and you probably do too". Write: "I was recently tested and it would be sensible for you to do the same." You don't need to name the STI if that would cause unnecessary panic or embarrassment.
Tip 3
Avoid blame and accusations
The goal is to inform, not to assign fault. Write in the first person and describe the situation neutrally. "I want to let you know that…" works better than "you gave me…" or "because of you…".
Tip 4
Skip unnecessary details
No exact dates, no names of others, no sexually explicit descriptions. The fewer identifying details, the safer the message is for both parties.
Tip 5
Include one concrete next step
Close with a practical pointer: "You can go to a sexual health clinic, GP, or an approved testing centre." This gives the recipient a direction without being overwhelming.
Tip 6
Choose your channel deliberately
Direct text or email works when you know the person and trust the dynamic. When in doubt, anonymous notification via PrivaNotify is a safer choice for both of you.
Tip 7
Send it once and let go
After one message, you've done your part. Multiple follow-up messages increase pressure and can feel invasive. One calm message is enough.
What to avoid
- Naming other partners
- Including exact dates or traceable locations
- Making a medical diagnosis ("you have X")
- Threatening or demanding a response
- Sending the same message multiple times
- Signing with your name if you'd rather not
Example STI message (neutral)
"Hi, I wanted to let you know that I was recently tested and it would be a good idea for you to do the same. No panic — just a quick check. You can go to a sexual health clinic, GP, or an online testing service. Take care of yourself."
When should you choose an anonymous message?
Sometimes direct contact isn't the right call: the other person might react badly, you're worried about consequences, or it was a casual encounter where you barely know them. In those cases, an anonymous message lowers the barrier — for you and for the recipient.
- You're not sure how the other person will react
- It was a casual or anonymous encounter
- You want to show care without identifying yourself
- You're worried about an unsafe situation after sending
Trusted information
Soa Aids Nederland — testing & test locations (NL)PrivaNotify is not affiliated with health authorities. Follow a doctor, clinic, or local health authority for medical advice.
Let PrivaNotify write it for you
Not sure how to phrase it? PrivaNotify helps you compose a calm, careful message — AI-crafted, sent anonymously, free from blame.
Not medical advice. PrivaNotify is not affiliated with health authorities. Contact a sexual health clinic, GP, or local health authority for medical guidance.